So I have been trying to maintain my body weight.
I have been failing.
I went looking for an image and found this one. Click it, it's a link to the site with an interesting article about failure.
.
Basically, remember you'll fail sometimes. It's your reaction to failure that is more important. My father always talked about "learning experiences." It's a topic that seems to be coming up a lot in my daily life. My brain seems to be trying to tell me something.
"Hey stupid! Stop being stupid!"
"I'm not stupid! I just want to be like everyone else."
"Yeah, stupid!"
I see people who are in good shape eating things like chips, chocolate, pizza and other things and I want to be able to eat it too. Forgetting that I know nothing about how they normally eat or about how they feel afterwards.
They may have a lifestyle like the one I had in Cali, where they were so active they could eat whatever they wanted. Well in my life today, that doesn't work. I don't have time to be anything more than moderately active without giving up time with family and friends. Time that makes me happy.
They may have a medical condition that makes it extremely difficult to put on weight. The number of "skinny" people I know who fall into this category is growing as I talk to them more about it. I'm LUCKY to be able to put on weight when I need it. How strange it is for me to think that. To think that I'm lucky to be fat. That it means there is a whole slue of issues I don't have.
They might be having a treat. I'm not with these people all the time. Maybe they only eat this way the few times I see them. Perhaps the rest of the time they don't eat the pizza or chocolate. That for them it really is the treat it should be.
So Where To Go From Here???
Do I try to regiment my not healthy things? Say only on these days or only so many times a week? Do I start a checklist? Keep a tally? Where is the balance?
This is where I start to feel lost and depressed. I want this to be simple. My emotions get in the way. I start to feel like I have no control and no hope of control.
I need to start saying NO to myself. No chocolate at work, no chips, no hamburgers (that is a white flag food for me), no!
But sometimes can I? Is there a balance? The article talks about trial and error. Can I let me myself try different types of balance to find the right answer? I have to let myself risk failing.
Ok then here's what I'm going to try. I'm going to give it a week starting today and including my out of town trip this weekend (I'm going to the Texas Renaissance Fair (TRF))!
1) Only non-soy chocolate.
I asked the store walking distance from my work to carry the chocolate I can eat and they got it in stock. So no more soy-ed chocolate. If I want chocolate, I walk to the store and get it.
2) Two sodas a week.
Soda is a bad food yes. But it's a nice treat. Twice a week, I'll let myself have stimulant free and naturally sweetened sodas.
3) Salt and pepper squid once a month.
This is a fried dish. I've had it three times in the last week and a half. It needs to be a once a month food.
4) Out to a restaurant once a week.
So that is actually my diet normal. However as I start being actively poly again, I will be eating out more. Time to reign it in. Once a week no more. The housemates can go out without me. I decide with who and when and where I want to go out.
5) Two hard candies a day.
This is pretty easy. Normally I have one or fewer. However, if I'm pulling back on the chocolate, I'm going to have to watch this one.
6) Kickie at least once a week.
Luke is teaching me to kick. It's fun. I heart it. We were doing it every Friday. Then I fell off the wagon. It will be my baseline exercise. It doesn't have to be Friday, but it needs to be once a week.
7) Be prepared.
I'm going to TRF. I need to bring food I can eat. Food that is soy free. So I need to pack my lunch. It worked well at Celtic Fest, so let's do it for TRF.
Ok seven is a good number and a good place to start. One week is a short time. I can do this. IF not, I CAN adjust the seven!